I’m not ashamed to say that I’ve lifted this article loch, scotch and haggis from the BBCs webpage – If the original works – why change it?

Ps – I’m quietly pleased with my Loch, Scotch and 2 Steaming Haggis phrase – it started out as a typo but now I’m considering selling it off as a working title for a film about the adventures that Robert Burns would have if he had be transported into the Eastend Gangland of the 1980s….Move Over Guy Ritchie and Vinnie Jones- the Bard is here!

Now back to reality – all you need to know about planning your own Burns supper – January 25th.

The Burns Supper is an institution of Scottish life: a night to celebrate the life and works of the national Bard. Suppers can range from an informal gathering of friends to a huge, formal dinner full of pomp and circumstance. This running order covers all the key elements you need to plan and structure a Burns Supper that suits your intentions.

• Piping in the guests

  A big-time Burns Night calls for a piper to welcome guests. If you don’t want all that baggage, some traditional music will do nicely. For more formal events, the audience should stand to welcome arriving guests: the piper plays until the high table is ready to be seated, at which point a round of applause is due. At a more egalitarian gathering – with no high table – the chair can simply bang on the table to draw attention to the start of the evening’s proceedings.

• Chairman’s welcome

  The Chair (host/organiser) warmly welcomes and introduces the assembled guests and the evening’s entertainment.

• The Selkirk Grace

  A short but important prayer read to usher in the meal, The Selkirk Grace is also known as Burns’s Grace at Kirkcudbright. Although the text is often printed in English, it is usually recited in Scots.

  Some hae meat and canna eat,
  And some wad eat that want it,
  But we hae meat and we can eat,
  And sae the Lord be thankit.

• Piping in the haggis

  Guests should normally stand to welcome the dinner’s star attraction, which should be delivered on a silver platter by a procession comprising the chef, the piper and the person who will address the Haggis. A whisky-bearer should also arrive to ensure the toasts are well lubricated.

  During the procession, guests clap in time to the music until the Haggis reaches its destination at the table. The music stops and everyone is seated in anticipation of the address To a Haggis.

• Address to the haggis

  The honoured reader now seizes their moment of glory by offering a fluent and entertaining rendition of To a Haggis. The reader should have his knife poised at the ready. On cue (His knife see Rustic-labour dight), he cuts the casing along its length, making sure to spill out some of the tasty gore within (trenching its gushing entrails).

  Warning: it is wise to have a small cut made in the haggis skin before it is piped in. Instances are recorded of top table guests being scalded by flying pieces of haggis when enthusiastic reciters omitted this precaution! Alternatively, the distribution of bits of haggis about the assembled company is regarded in some quarters as a part of the fun…

  The recital ends with the reader raising the haggis in triumph during the final line Gie her a haggis!, which the guests greet with rapturous applause.

• Toast to the haggis

  Prompted by the speaker, the audience now joins in the toast to the haggis. Raise a glass and shout: The haggis! Then it’s time to serve the main course with its traditional companions, neeps and tatties. In larger events, the piper leads a procession carrying the opened haggis out to the kitchen for serving; audience members should clap as the procession departs.

• The meal

  Served with some suitable background music, the sumptuous Bill o’ Fare includes:-

  • Starter

    Traditional cock-a-leekie soup;

  • Main course

    Haggis, neeps & tatties (Haggis wi’ bashit neeps an’ champit tatties);

  • Sweet

    Clootie Dumpling (a pudding prepared in a linen cloth or cloot) or Typsy Laird (a Scottish sherry trifle);

  • Cheeseboard with bannocks (oatcakes) and tea/coffee.

  Variations do exist: beef lovers can serve the haggis, neeps & tatties as a starter with roast beef or steak pie as the main dish. Vegetarians can of course choose vegetarian haggis, while pescatarians could opt for a seafood main course such as Cullen Skink.

• The drink

  Liberal lashings of wine or ale should be served with dinner and it’s often customary to douse the haggis with a splash of whisky sauce, which, with true Scots understatement, is neat whisky.

  After the meal, it’s time for connoisseurs to compare notes on the wonderful selection of malts served by the generous chair.

• The first entertainment

  The nervous first entertainer follows immediately after the meal. Often it will be a singer or musician performing Burns songs such as:-

  • My Luve is Like a Red Red Rose;
  • Rantin’, Rovin’ Robin;
  • John Anderson, my jo; or
  • Ae Fond Kiss, and Then We Sever.

  Alternatively it could be a moving recital of a Burns poem, with perennial preference for:-

  • Tam o’ Shanter;
  • Holy Willie’s Prayer;
  • To a Louse;
  • Address to the Unco Guid; or
  • For a’ that and a’ that.

• The immortal memory

  The keynote speaker takes the stage to deliver a spell-binding oratoration on the life of Robert Burns: his literary genius, his politics, his highs and lows, his human frailty and – most importantly – his nationalism. The speech must bridge the dangerous chasm between serious intent and sparkling wit, painting a colourful picture of Scotland’s beloved Bard.

  The speaker concludes with a heart-felt toast: To the Immortal Memory of Robert Burns!

• The second entertainment

  The chair introduces more celebration of Burns’ work, preferably a poem or song to complement the earlier entertainment.

• Toast to the Lassies

  The humorous highlight of any Burns Night comes in this toast, which is designed to praise the role of women in the world today. This should be done by selective quotation from Burns’s works and should build towards a positive note. Particular reference to those present makes for a more meaningful toast.

  The toast concludes: To the Lassies!

• The final entertainment

  The final course of the evening’s entertainment comprises more Burns readings.

• Reply to the Toast to the Lassies

  Revenge for the women present as they get their chance to reply.

• Vote of thanks

  The chair now climbs to his potentially unsteady feet to thank everyone who has contributed to a wonderful evening and to suggest that taxis will arrive shortly.

• Auld Lang Syne

  The chair closes the proceedings by inviting guests to stand and belt out a rousing rendition of Auld Lang Syne. The company joins hands and sings as one, having made sure to brush up on those difficult later lines.

Optional extras

These can slot into any part of the evening.

• Lost Burns manuscripts

  Some Burns Night suppers include a lost manuscript reading, where a participant with literary aspirations recites from a fictitious long-lost musing of the great man on a new subject.

• Quizzes and/or recitation competitions

  Involving the guests – instead of having them sit passively – is key to a fun and successful Burns night. Make up your own activities for best effect.

Think of scottish country dancing and ceilidh music and many think of BBC Radio Scotland’s Robbie Shepherd. The man himself came to the shores of Loch Ness recently to broadcast his programme from the Invermoriston Millennium Hall in Invermoriston by Loch Ness.

See below for his recent article from the Press & Journal writen in the Doric about his experience (Doric is Scots dialect from the Aberdeenshire area – to find out more about Doric click HERE)

Great Show Robbie – I was listening while cooking my tea overlooking Loch Ness! The Mince & Tatties came out better for it and all!

The Doric Column

Lead me to the old songs

sung again for me,

Lead me to the dance time

swinging loud and free.

Lead me to the Northland – Andy Stewart

By Robbie Shepherd

Published: 25/04/2009

NORTHLANDS it wis for me on Widnesday as far’s Inverness syne, turnin roon the neuks an crannies at’s the streets o the city, it wis doon the Northside o the River Ness tae Invermoriston.

Man it wis a gran hurl, me sittin in the back seat like Lord Muck, wi Loch Ness sae calm wi jist the antrin ripple, the different shades o green hyne up the hillsides an the cherry blossom in full bloom forbye the funn busses.

I hae aften pass’t throwe Glenmoriston bit aye haikit tae be farrer west wi little time tae spare, as it’s ere that ye either tak the road tae Skye or aance veer left on the A82 heidin for Fort William.

The ‘Take The Floor’ team were takkin up the invitation o the community volunteers tae record wir programme fae the fantoosh Glenmoriston Millennium Hall, biggit in 1999 wi the support o the Millennium Commission an celebratin its tenth anniversary.

Es replac’t the aal hall an it did yer hairt gweed tae see foo sic a scatter’t community hae gotten thegither tae mak eese o aa the facilities. I aye thocht o the Glenmoriston Arms Hotel as a stoppin place for toorists an the Store at the ither side o the road caterin for tenters an caravanners – papers, groceries an ither eerands for the sma bourachies roon aboot.

Damn the fear. There wis evidence aa roon acknowledgin the efforts an the dedication o a hanfu o fowk determin’t tae keep the community speerit alive. Oh, there’s mony ither plaicies, wi nae sae generous backin, I cwid name that dee the same – bit again I cwid reel aff the aul hallies bit a ghost o yestereer.

Noo, as aften happens in sic recordins, it disna tak lang for somebody or anither tae come up an link me tae days gyan by, so it wis es time roon.

We stoppit for a bite tae aet jist ootside Inverness fin es lady cam in aboot till’s.

‘Would you, would you be Robbie?’ Jist as weel I hid twa deems wi’s or aance the rumours micht hae startit bit I wis on safe grun fin the lady introduc’t hersel as Shirley at I hidna seen since God ken’s fan – the dother o oor gweed freens, James an Jessie Hepburn fae Mallaig, takkin’s back tae ma days in the fishsellin side o Claben.

Tae the nicht an the hall hoatchin wi the dancers furlin an hoochin tae the music o Nicky MacMichan an’s Band, we hid guest spots fae the verra talentit gaelic singer, Rachael Walker an the gran fiddle player o ‘Capercaillie’, Charlie McKerron fa I hae kent fae awa back fin I ees’t tae compère the Daily Record Golden Fiddle Concerts, an the eer in the early auchties fin he won the tap solo award.

Bit hold on! Fa shid be playin the fiddle as pairt o Rachael’s trio bit a young strappin loon bi the name o Ewan Henderson. The Henderson faimily are amang the maist talentit in the Hielans and their faither is Alan Henderson, fa wis in Walker’s Fishsellin Office in Mallaig as assistant tae neen ither than James Hepburn. Losh bit I kent Alan fin he wis coortin an noo he’s Provost o Fort William.

It’s a sma warl an I’m nae deen yet, cis efter the recordin, at ye can hear the nicht on Radio Scotland at five-past sivven, I wis haein a quaet dram at the bar fin I heard es distinctive vyce an a rug o the shooder made me turn roon tae half recognise the face an the maist welcomin hairty lauch.

‘Michty, Robbie, bit I see ye ilka eer at the Lonach – Willie Robertson!’ Losh, he soondit sae like his late brither Tam an jist as sociable.

I leuch tae masel as I held up the stairs o the hotel tae ma bed, myndin on the gran nicht we hid an Willie’s naitural tongue an thinkin o a hallie up Donside wi the lad jist rarin for a dance, haulin his wife on tae the fleer wi the band in full flight, ‘Lowse yer styes Muggie, I’m jist foo o music’.

See ye neist wikkeyn.

You can listen to this broadcast by clicking HERE

So where’s the mystery? Why haven’t we heard that great voice before…….

Where’s the Monster? Her Talent!  

The world has taken a singer from Scotland who appeared on an entertainment show called ‘Britains Got Talent’ to their hearts - with over 100 million hits on Youtube, facebook fanpages that have members joining at a dizzying rate of knots, and people and the media from all over the world facinated by her story.

It just goes to show you that when you look hard enough, work hard enough and try hard enough- even the best kept secrets are revealed!!

‘Nessie’ would be proud! Take it away Susan! Click HERE